We need to talk about The Beekeeper
Plus, a busy summer for Canadian golf, and a continued impasse in the great golf schism
Much has happened in the past week. The NBA Finals are now set, beer has been liberalized in Ontario, and a former President of the United States, for the first time in history, was convicted of a crime(s).
But I must talk to you about The Beekeeper. Do I mostly just want to make fun of a bad movie? Yes. But there’s also a weighty point that I hope to eventually make.
Now, I enjoy a good Jason Statham movie. There are certainly worse ways to spend a couple hours than watching him protect someone/get revenge/fight a shark. And so, when The Beekeeper, which became an unexpected box-office hit in January, popped up on Prime Video, I went in not expecting to see The Godfather.
And I sure didn’t. Statham plays Adam Clay, who is introduced as a literal beekeeper, quietly doing his thing while renting a room from Clair Huxtable. (Technically Phylicia Rashad, but whatever.) Mrs. Huxtable is tragically scammed out of her savings by what seems to be a very professional and well-funded hacking outfit with an open-design office concept. Before she tells her family or goes to the police — which could have been done with one call because her daughter, we learn later, is an actual FBI agent — she kills herself. Bang. Mrs. Huxtable is not screwing around.
Our boy Adam is thus very mad. And vengeance-oriented. And it would surprise absolutely no one to learn that he is quite good at killing people. That’s his thing. To the extent that there something is unusual here, it’s that Clay is formerly a government operative for a super-secret program. It’s explained that someone known as the Beekeeper has permission to run around and kill people, eliminate problems, that kind of thing, but the job is carved out from official U.S. programs for reasons of deniability. And there’s only one Beekeeper at a time for some reason. (Maybe so they don’t kill each other?) And Clay is retired. To a life of regular beekeeping. I don’t think that’s a requirement.
ANYWAY, what follows is truly a batshit movie. Clay goes off on his revenge tour, it soon becomes clear he is up against Powerful Forces, and it’s not long before the active Beekeeper is after our retired Beekeeper, which is how you know this thing goes right to the top. And this was my biggest complaint: By this point it has become clear that Clay is exceptionally good at his former job, killing people in a variety of ways and with a minimum of fuss. Seems like a good approach to the job of secret killer. But his replacement in the role is … kind of terrible? She comes in guns (literally) blazing and lasts for one whole scene. I mean, there’s an entire oeuvre of Bourne films that make for compelling killer-chases-killer action. Clay’s showdown lasts two minutes.
Of course it’s silly to expect much from a film like this, but there were just so many weird decisions. Why is the retired American agent British? Why the is the high-level politician who becomes the ultimate target protected by a squad of Aussie mercenaries in beachwear? What is Jeremy Irons doing here? Why are all the people in the protection business so amazingly bad at their jobs?
None of the above would matter much for a film that a streaming service churns out, and indeed there are countless of those. But The Beekeeper made US$152-million at the box office and is seventh on the 2024 list of highest-grossing films. SEVENTH. Meanwhile, the latest Mad Max film, liked by critics if not beloved like the last one, tanked at the box office over its opening weekend, and The Fall Guy, a hugely promoted film with two likeable stars in Ryan Gosling and Emily Blunt, came in well below expectations. It’s been out for a month, and is still behind The Beekeeper.
The movie business is hopped up on goofballs, is what I’m saying. Just as everyone is trying to figure out what it means for the Future of Cinema when a couple of high-profile releases crash, there is the counter-example of The Beekeeper, released in the dead of winter, but makes a crapload of money despite the fact that it is, objectively, ridiculous.
So, Beekeeper 2 seems inevitable. Can’t wait.
Golf digest
I wrote a couple of golf-related pieces in other environs this week, which I encourage you to read. The first, at the Globe and Mail, considers what has happened in the world of men’s professional golf since the shock ‘deal’ between the PGA Tour and LIV Golf was announced during the week of the RBC Canadian Open last year.
Spoiler: Not much. And that’s not good for the sport.
The second is less doom-and-gloom. Over at theScore, and in honour of Canadian Open week, I looked at the busy summer ahead for Canada’s bulging contingent of PGA Tour players. Not only do they have tournaments to try to win, but there is shaping up to be a hotly contested battle for the two spots on the Canadian Olympic team for the men’s golf competition, and an equally tight race for the Presidents Cup team, which will be played in Montreal. The International team will be captained by former winemaker (and Masters champion) Mike Weir, and it will be interesting to see how many Canadians he can justify stacking on his team. It would help if they play well between now and then.
Enjoy your weekend, and thanks for reading.