The biggest game in CMNT history. (Since the last one)
Plus, Euro 2024 hits the quarterfinal stage and is not lacking for fun matchups
Since this has become a week during which I gripe about things like an old man, let me add another to the list: power rankings.
Look, I get it. They are good for engagement. Rank a bunch of teams and people will inevitably get mad at you, yell at you in the comments and, if you are lucky, start yelling at each other in the comments while you back away slowly. This is why every outlet does power rankings even though, and this is the point that rankles my old soul, the teams will all ultimately sort out the rankings themselves on the field.
You want to rank the best action movies of all time? Go nuts. Whatever list you make can be debated until the end times. But ranking the best teams in a given sport in a given year is a task that will soon be overtaken by the fact that the playoffs exist. To paraphrase the famous Don Draper quote from Mad Men: THAT’S WHAT THE TROPHY IS FOR.
But despite my harrumphing, I will make an exception to note one particular power ranking. Here’s The Guardian’s ranking of the teams at the Copa America. Canada is seventh. Now, there are only eight teams left, so seventh might seem like not much of a complement. (Eat it, Panama.) But the Copa America began with 16 teams, the best of South America, North America and Central America. Being seventh on that list, for the Canadian men’s national team, counts as a dizzying success. It’s an even more significant accomplishment given the team’s struggles post-Qatar and the very recent arrival of head coach Jesse Marsch, who is probably still trying to get everyone’s name right.
The playing-with-house-money cliché is overused, but it is wholly appropriate for Canada as they head into a quarterfinal match with Venezuela on Friday night at the Copa. They only scored one goal in three group games, but the last of those was a nil-nil against 10-man Chile when Canada only needed a draw. The Canadians did what was needed — don’t concede! — even if the style of play was less exciting than the marauding heights they reached under John Herdman. With the result, Canada advanced to the knockout stage of a major tournament for the first time ever.
Just getting this far would have been considered an ideal scenario before the tournament began, but Canada now plays a Venezuelan team that is six spots lower than them in the FIFA rankings. Those rankings are famously a little goofy, but the point is that Canada has drawn an opponent that is actually kind of beatable. Venezuela is favoured, but only slightly. Could Canada make it to the semis, where Argentina awaits? It’s possible. What a world.
Euro 2024: Some vague predictions
Germany v Spain
Friday, noon ET
Probably the two best teams in the tournament so far, meeting this early in the knockouts due to the vagaries of the bracket. These teams should be putting England and France out of their misery instead of meeting each other. Anyway, this game should be an absolute corker, which means it will probably end 0-0 and go to penalties.
France v Portugal
Friday, 3 ET
The biggest subplot of the tournament might be that Portugal keeps starting Cristiano Ronaldo at striker. He’s the greatest goal scorer in history and is also 39 and now plays in Saudi Arabia because literally no big club in Europe thought he was good enough anymore to lead their attack. He’s been compared to a medieval trebuchet, which had to be wheeled into position by a team of horses before it could fire a deadly shot. But it seems like Portugal is determined to stick with the trebuchet. Maybe today is the day it brings down the castle walls. France, meanwhile, somehow won their group without having any of their players kick a ball into the opposing goal during open play. Someone has to win. I’ll go with Portugal, and not just because I have a fiver on them to win the whole thing.
England v Switzerland
Saturday, 12 pm ET
True story: Our home wifi crapped out about 15 minutes into the England-Slovakia game on Sunday. Eventually it became clear that a technician would have to come out. I left the house when it had reached injury time and England was trailing, then arrived at a local craft brewery to find that they had tied it. Then they scored almost immediately, while I was still at the counter. Things can turn quickly, is what I’m saying. For the very limited amount of the game that I saw, England were pretty good. My understanding is they were pants for the rest of it. Give this to the Swiss in an upset-but-not-really.
Netherlands v Turkiye
Saturday, 3 pm ET
Apparently we are calling Turkey “Turkiye” now, complete with the extra syllable, which I am fine with because it eliminates the confusion with the flightless and tasty bird. The Netherlands had been underwhelming for the tournament right up until the Round of 16, when they were actually quite whelming in dispatching the plucky Romanians by a 3-0 scoreline that could have been six or seven. I think they have too much talent for Turkiye to pull off the upset.